Space Pants and Ghost Arm

Hey guys and girls. Let's talk about body image because we can and should.

If anyone knows me very well, you'd know I go through waves of "body love" and "body ugh." All my life, I've been blessed with a high metabolism and an ignorance in regards to a healthy diet. I was a competitive runner in high school, one of the best in our state division, and worked hard to attain a certain level of excellence. Granted, my family cooked healthy and strong meals for me, I ate said meals with gusto (haha), and I trained all summer, fall, and spring. No awkwardness, when I graduated from high school I was 5'2" and 103 pounds.

Four years and four months later, I'm still 5'2", but I've gained and kept/lost a consistent twelve pounds. I've been anywhere from 103-115. The "Freshman 15" never happened for me for various reasons (I was too stressed to eat and lots of life changing experiences kept me stressed for nine months). My hardcore training I grew accustomed to in high school ebbed and flowed throughout college. Now, I've acquired a much more "womanly" physique. Unfortunately, with those lovely lady curves, came the confusing doubt and self blame I never knew existed.

Hence my post this evening. You'll note in the above picture I'm wearing my first ever pair of high waisted jeans. My first Levi's, by the way. I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM WITH ALL THE POWER I HAVE TO LOVE. For the first time in a long time, I don't mind I'm 111 pounds. You may think, "Chelsea. Get over yourself. You're fine." But guys. Shaking hands with my current body has been a four year first impression. Four. YEARS.

In talking with Zac tonight, he's challenged me with my eating habits and exercise routine. He wants me to be happy and I think I'll be happier if I work on my self confidence. I want to be confident in my skin and, while these AMAZING JEANS are the first step, I can't wait to get the old "Chelsea spirit" back. Not necessarily that old body. But my old confidence.

I'll write you at the end of the week and see how I fared. EEK. Here's another picture of my fabulous pantalones. I call it, "Space Pants and Ghost Arm."

Serving Happiness

Sometimes, I don't give myself a pat on the back when the occasion calls for it. NOT TODAY.

I love my jobs. Last Saturday, I spent the majority of my day loving work (researching for msj and serving at Station 22). Highlights from Station on Saturday night:

1) My first table was a group of five girls gathered together for a birthday. I fell in love with all of them as soon as I introduced myself and they responded well to me (sweet!!). Throughout their entire meal, I was also taking care of two other tables, one in the same room and another on the other side of the restaurant. But, they always loved whenever I came back to them. When I brought the birthday girl her birthday root beer float at the end of dinner, everyone was so happy. They asked me to take a picture of them. I heard one of them say they'd ask for Chelsea when they came back. !!!!!

Just wait. It gets better. Each girl left me a note on their receipts: "Thank you for being so accommodating and changing my meal! (:" "We love Station 22! Great Service! We love Chelsea!" "You are seriously amazing."

2) My second table was a grumpy couple, determined to remain in their state of grumpiness even before I greeted them. [Sidenote: It's a SATURDAY NIGHT. WAITING FOR A TABLE HAPPENS]. But I worked hard to get them some happiness. AND I DID. At the end of the meal, they LAUGHED. It was so rewarding. Their +20% tip wasn't bad either. *winky face*

3) At one moment during the night, I had four tables simultaneously: Two tables outside on the front porch, one in the main restaurant, and one in the back lobby. But my head was strangely clear and focused the entire time. I made sure each table knew I was aware of them, wanted the best for them. One girl from the group outside said, "It looks like you're super busy." I said, "It gets crazy on Saturday nights." She responded, "I've been a waitress for three years and I've never had a waitress as good as you."

!!!!!
Can you even handle it?!
Just wait. It gets better.

As I was cleaning up the table outside next to theirs, my manager came out to ask about their experience. They all said it was amazing and that their waitress was amazing. My manager asked who they had and they all pointed to me. AH. SO MANY BLUSHES.

4) Toward the end of the night, I had a young couple come in and they wanted to know everything about me. They asked how long I'd worked at Station, how long I'd been married, how I met Zac, what I studied at BYU, how my writing's going now, on and on! I had to leave them to make sure they'd get their food out on time haha. They asked when I'd be working next and told them I'd be at Station T-F in the mornings. haha! Crazy!

I can't believe how blessed I am. Heavenly Father is so aware it's ridiculous. (:

I am an ISFJ Playwright

Ah. So many thoughts and thinking things going on in this melon of mine tonight.

Being a playwright is hard.

My new play is hard.

Articulating the exact emotions and dialogue needed for the two characters is just...I don't know if I can do it right now. Each time I open it up, I have to put it away after a while because the personal feelings attached to the scene are still so raw. You'd think I'd be fine, it's just ten pages long. Just five more pages and the first draft will be finished and I can rest easy. ><

This play I'm dedicating to my younger sister, Julia, you see. This play is a conversation I wish I could have with her at the moment. This play currently fills the distance between us because I can't be with her when she needs me. And, my goodness, does that hurt.

Zac often worries when I don't separate my personal feelings from my work (ie at Station 22, my research position at BYU, ect). haha I love him, but that's not the girl he married (which he knows). I am a passionate, genuine, emotion driven individual. [Sidenote: I took several Myers-Briggs personality tests this weekend and found out I'm an ISFJ]. Whatever task given to me, I tackle with passion, genuineness, and emotion.

I love Julie. She deserves all the passion, genuineness, and emotion I can muster. Blergh. It'll happen. haha One way or another, it'll happen. (: