For Charging Mothers and Drooping Eyelashes :)

We found two eyelashes on Zac's glasses approximately seven minutes ago. Just two mascara-less eyelashes, protected behind a barrier of prescription lenses. He took off his glasses and we pondered how they escaped his eyelid and settled peacefully onto the curved glass. He wondered aloud if he was falling apart. I giggled, as I always do, and whispered how cool the eyelashes were. He then corrected his earlier remark about falling apart and amended his statement to just his face.

I hope his face nor his actual being is falling apart. That would be almost as unsettling as finding two eyelashes on the inside of some dude's glasses. :)

I have never been comfier. My short legs are clad in my new favorite Victoria Secret Pink sweatpants, tied securely at the waist. My belly is full of movie theater popcorn and Sprite. We saw Stupid, Crazy, Love with Poter tonight. Steve Carrel, man. And shut the front door-Ryan Gosling. 

Man, it's late. 1:57 am. Zac's setting the alarm for 9:30 am tomorrow. Apparently he is also trying to seduce me with the ring tones available for our alarm. They are as follows: Slowly. Reverie. On the Prowl. Mirage of You. Into My Dream. Flash On. Oooh, that one wins. *smirkity smirk* 

And, no, nothing happened. His advances were rejected. :)

Nighty, night kiddies! :D

OH WAIT NEVER MIND. FIVE YAPPING DOGS JUST EXPLODED IN AN ARRAY OF HOWLS AND YIPS IN THE LIVING ROOM. Our house is wild with doggie pandemonium. Dogs we babysit. Bah. I want college.

Okay, for real. Bed time.

Sleep well.

When my brother and I were little, my mom gave us miniature glasses of water from the tap right before bed, but we wouldn't bat a single sleepy eyelash because we knew what was coming. My mom would then calmly turn out our light, back up down the hallway, pause dramatically, and then sprint into our room and shout, "DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE!" She'd then slam the door and listen for our reaction. I always let out a scream and then laugh with my brother. After a good 3 minute giggle attack, mom would come back in and hug us tight. A goodnight kiss on the forehead. And a sincere wish that we'd have good dreams. 

[Moms are so rad, right?]

I have some super sleepy eyelashes at the moment and no charging mother to keep them from drooping, so my time has come to dream. Hopefully I'll wake to find two eyelashes on my pillow in the morning. Zac and I will wonder as to how they got there. And I'll question whether or not my face is falling apart. Or if it's just me.

:)

When I look at my ring finger...

When I look at my ring finger, I remember my past. When I look at my ring finger, I cherish who I am now. When I look at my ring finger, I hold a hope for the future.

My wedding band serves as a constant reminder of Christ's Atonement for me. Here's my story :)
My childhood taught me that trust is meant to be earned. Trust cannot be forced upon someone or oneself. My childhood left me with scars that still sting, burn, bleed, and scab today. My mother and father divorced when I was three. Biggest Secret Wish? That my parents would get back together and we would be a family again. I desperately wanted "The Parent Trap" to happen in my life, as I'm sure many children do when divorce occurs. But my mother remarried several times, as did my father. I suffered unimaginable abuse at the hand of a former step-father when I was seven. I found it difficult to trust at a healthy level. Either I pushed everyone away or I desperately clung onto anyone-whether it was a loving family member or a wolf in sheep's clothing. I wasn't stable on my own.

As a teenager, I waned and waxed in my testimony of Jesus Christ. There were times when I simply "went through the motions" of being a Christian.
There were times when I questioned everything and anything that was presented to me, either by religious or by secular teaching.
There were times when I listened to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, followed the instruction given, and lived the way a Christian should.
However, it wasn't until my senior year of high school that my faith and courage was really tested. Either I could "stick" with what my parents and church leaders fed me in church every Sunday, gain my own personal witness of the Gospel, or throw it all away.
My senior year of high school was all about me. I was very selfish and only thought of my needs and wants. I let that darkness eat me from the inside out and many people were affected by my actions. When I received my acceptance letter from BYU in February-March of 2009, I wasn't worthy to attend. However, I was worthy during the application process. Applying to Brigham Young University is almost like any other college application: ACT/SAT scores, GPA, extracurricular activities, awards, a student essay. However, because the school is owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, other important questions need to be answered when applying. You need to receive an "Ecclesiastical Endorsement," both from the bishop and then the stake president in your area.  Basically it's an interview that makes sure you're active in church and you're willing to uphold the Honor Code. The Honor Code needs to be signed in order for your application to be finished. The  Honor Code asks you to:

"Be honest 

Live a chaste and virtuous life Obey the law and all campus policies Use clean language Respect others Abstain from alcoholic beverages, tobacco, tea, coffee, and substance abuse Participate regularly in church services Observe the Dress and Grooming Standards Encourage others in their commitment to comply with the Honor Code"

I was ecstatic when I received my acceptance letter, but then the realization dawned on me that at that moment, I would hate myself even stepping foot on campus because I wasn't worthy to be there. I didn't know how to go about explaining to my family and bishop that I wasn't living a "chaste and virtuous life," when school was going to start in 3 months. So, I kept it to myself. After graduation from high school, I dated a boy who didn't believe in God. I fell in love with him and he with me. We clung to each other. This relationship was tearing me apart while I was at BYU. When that Summer term ended, I dreaded the decision I had to make: him or God? He came out to Utah to visit me during the break between summer and fall term. So many nights we spent together were ended in tears. His last night he asked me, "What do you want most out of life?" I surprised myself with my answer, "A temple marriage." We sat in silence for a long time and then he said, "I think you and I both know I can't give that to you." He told me that I'd go back to BYU and boys would be lining up. He said I was smart, beautiful, funny, and that I could do anything I wanted. He just wanted me to be happy. He was so selfless.
He left Utah the next morning, both of us having grown so much, both as friends and individuals. For the next few days I had to grapple with my decision to live the Gospel. I had never felt so alone.
I came back to BYU with a shaky resolve to start over with a bishop and begin the long road of repentance. I ran into Zac our first day back at BYU and he stuck by me throughout my first couple of months of meeting with the bishop. When he left in November, it was the first time that I had to really been on my own in the repentance process- not at home with family, no boys to lean on, just me. Instead of putting my trust in God, I tried to rely on my own strength. It wasn't until a night of selfish angst during Christmas break 2009 that I finally made the decision to change and that God was going to be a part of it.
The next semester of BYU I vowed that I would be worthy of the temple and the sacrament. I read my scriptures everyday. I prayed every morning and night. In the beginning, I'd only read one verse at a time and sob while kneeling against my bed in prayer. As time went on, I began to read my scriptures for 5, then 10, then 20, then 30 minutes in the morning. My prayers became a conversation. Zac and I talked every day. He knew all the trials I'd endured and helped me through the toughest moments. When the Sunday finally came in late February 2010 that I could partake of the sacrament, I wasn't alone. I was trusting God.

~Fast forward a year and a half later~
I am sealed to the man who chose to be by my side when I almost gave up on the Gospel. I am a temple recommend holder. I partake of the sacrament every Sunday. I love without restraint because I am trusting God. I have a testimony. My wedding band reminds me of the trials, heartache, and lessons I've learned about others and myself. My wedding band reminds me of the Savior's humility to suffer for me. My wedding band reminds me of my change of heart those two years ago and my promise to continue on the path of Heavenly Father's plan for me.

I love this Gospel. I love the hardships I've undergone to stand where I am today. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my friends. I love you. :)

Little children just cling to me :/

They own me. 

Skeletons on Parade

My selfishness seems to have breezed away, sifted through my fingers, and been lost in the chaotic world I now live. My hands hold humility. Dedication to my one and only. My Husband. What a safe, fulfilling, and completing word, "husband." "Me" and "I" never escape my lips. "We" or "us," however...I whisper these promises to him when night has fallen and we're curled up in blankets. When the morning sun shines through our window, I roll over and find myself in his blue eyes. My eyes shine with tears and my promises are silently shouted between the two of us. :)

Zac's currently at work, making 8 bucks an hour at the Regal movie theater. I'm in our room we share in the back of his parent's home in Simi Valley. Our room is a complete disaster and I want to clean it within an inch of its life before Zac gets home tonight. Apparently people are already waiting in line for the Harry Potter Midnight premier! 28 hours early! Holy smokes. o.O I won't be going to the midnight premier because Zac will be working tomorrow night. We'll go see it on Monday hopefully. :) It's so weird that it's all ending, right? Harry Potter...no more. Harry, Hermione, and Ron were with me when I felt alone beginning in elementary skool and onward. I'm gonna be a sobbing mess throughout the whole movie. I just know it. Bah.

I have been on a Ludo kick for a good month now. How on earth are they so good?!?!?! My brother got me their newest CD for a wedding present and I've fallen in love with Ludo all over again. Here's one of my favorite songs from Prepare the Preparations :)

My face is not happy right now. :( Darn acne. >< Zac allows me to complain about my zits when we're alone with one another, in private. But he doesn't understand why I moan about them when we're out in public. He's pulled me close so many times recently, reassuring me when I smile and laugh no one sees the imperfections that swallow me whole. I love him for that.

Well I'd better get cleaning, folks. I promise I'll blog more. I pinky promise!
xoxox Chelsea

The wedding post :)

Hey, you! Guess what?
No, I'm not just gonna tell you. You need to guess!
We'll do a countdown! Three, two, one...Guess!
I'm serious. Guess.
I'm not playing around here.
I'll give you a hint, if you want.
FINE. I'll tell you.

I'M MARRIED!!!!!

Daw! Thank you!
I know, right!? So crazy!
I am so happy.
...And, yeah, I'm 20.

Zac's eyes are currently glued to the television. We're watching Ed, Edd, n Eddy! So freaking good. :)
Hawaii is so beautiful and I can't believe we're here. Zac and I are just relaxing and enjoying one another's company after many months of stress and planning for the wedding.
Speaking of my wedding...I NEED TO WRITE ABOUT IT. :)

[Haha, not to worry. I didn't just come up with that realization. I've been planning to write about the wedding the whole time. That's what this post is about...The Wedding Day and the week leading up to it].

Monday, June 20th- Mom and I left Arizona at 7 am to drive to Simi Valley, California. Mom and I stopped by a huge and wonderful outlet mall somewhere in California. I got a super duper cute dress and cardigan for my endowment session at the temple and for the honeymoon in Hawaii. :) We made it to Simi Valley around 3 pm and mom met Zac's step-mom, Amer (Annamarie), Ian (Zac's 3 year old brother), and Sammy, Zac's wonderful dog. So happy! Then mom met Zac's dad, Marc, a little bit later! Later that night, mom, Zac, and I went to the wedding cake decorator's home to taste test the cake samples. Ohhh. My. Gosh. We decided on a marble cake batter with her homemade strawberry and chocolate filling. We were so happy with the wonderful job she did and this was her second ever wedding cake! So amazing! Then Zac and I went on a much needed date. We went to a Borders, reading children's books and holding hands in the sofa chairs. Then we walked to his movie theatre and saw Midnight in Paris... SO BEAUTIFUL. I didn't know if I'd like it all that much, but man, was I wrong. Zac and I just loved it. 

Tuesday, June 21st- Mom, Zac, Karen (Zac's mommy), and I went to Ventura to get the marriage license. Hooray legal obligations! Then mom, Zac, and I went to a nearby beach. Mom hadn't been to a beach since she was 10 when we first buried our feet in the sand. She was so delighted and delightful. :) Afterwards, we went to The Habit, an amazing burger place. Mom loved her food and said she'd never eaten something so amazing. :D Ha! California is just too good. :) Later on that night, Zac had his interview with the stake president and he passed with flying colors (obviously). :)

Wednesday, June 22nd- Mom woke up all frazzled and intense. She jumped out of the bed we shared and said that we needed to get to the flower market in LA that morning, not the next morning like we originally planned. I shot to my feet and ran into Zac's room to wake him up. We were out the door in 15 minutes at 9 am. The one hour drive from Simi to LA was so fun! We had fun listening to music and chatting during traffic. Once we got to the LA Flower Market, though, we were all business. Or, more accurately, mom was. Man! It was so amazing seeing her in action. She was a florist for 21 years before she "retired" to be a stay-at-home mom. Having her do all the flowers for the wedding was so touching and I knew she was going to be amazing. She didn't disappoint. :) Thank you, mom. Then we picked up Emily and Tim from the LAX airport! I LOVED SEEING HER AND TIM AGAIN! As did Zac and mom. :D Later on that night I had my bridal shower! Sooo much fun! Zac, Tim, and Poter went to Sky High, a tumbling gym, for an impromptu bachelor party. They also went to Five Guys.

Thursday, June 23rd- Mom woke up super early to pick up Jim from the airport in LA and then had lunch with her brother (my uncle) who she hadn't seen in 20 years. Back in Simi, friends and family got together at the reception venue to start decorating. Paul, Melissa, and Julie arrived in Simi in the early afternoon and it was so good seeing them again! Then I went lingerie shopping with Karen and Zac's sister, Stephanie. hahahah We had some major fun. >< Then we rushed home to get me changed and presentable for my temple endowment session at 5:30. I was so nervous and I couldn't believe that it was finally here! I won't go into specifics, obviously, but the temple is so amazing. And my love for Zac grew to an unimaginable level. Being worthy of the temple and the blessings it provides was such an overwhelming feeling. I was crying the moment I stepped into the temple. I left behind my past and stepped into my future, clinging to my testimony of Christ and my love for Zac and my family. :) Finally, I took a sleeping pill and packed up my things and went with all the girls to Karen's house. I got a full body massage from Stephanie, who's a registered message therapist. SO AWESOME. Emily and I talked for a good two hours, enjoying one another's thoughts and impressions. I love her so.

Friday, June 24th- THE WEDDING DAY! I'll just do a chronological list...>< Bear with me...if you're still reading! hahaha :)

7:36 am- Woken up by my beautiful mother who drove over from Marc's house with Tim in tow. I was grumpy and my eyes hurt. :)
8:01 am- Out of the shower, legs shaven, glowing with happiness for the day ahead. :)

8:05 am-9:11 am- Getting my hair moussed, blow-dried, curled, and hair sprayed while playing word games with Julie and mom. :)

9:15 am-9:30 am- Oatmeal and strawberries with whipped cream for breakfast! Yum! :)
9:32 am- Woke up Melissa. :)
9:35 am- Mom drove back to Marc's house to get the waterproof mascara I forgot. ><
9:46 am- Mom hurried through my makeup and I still looked amazing! THANK YOU SO MUCH, MOM!
10:15 am- All the girls in tow with the wedding dress, drove to the temple.

11:10 am- Parked, lugged the wedding dress, duffel bag of clothes, flowers, and makeup case into the temple lobby. Waved goodbye to Emily, Melissa, and Julie.

11:23 am- Met up with Zac, Marc, Paul, Amer, and one of Amer's friends. Zac and I had yet another interview with a temple worker to verify everything with us and the importance of our temple sealing. :):)

11:30 am- Got ready in all my bridal glory. *blush blush* Mom and I were hugging and holding hands the whole time.

12:30 pm- I was sealed for all time and eternity to Zachary Scott Hickman. We made covenants with one another and God in the holy temple.

1:10 pm- Back in the Bride's Room to do some touch ups with makeup and hair for the wedding photos. Mom put yellow roses in my hair and helped me put on my yellow Vans. She also finished making Zac's boutineer and put an adorable ribbon around the bouquet. Packed up everything. Met up with Zac, who looked so handsome in his grey tux and yellow tie.
1:30 pm- Stepped outside the temple for pictures with family and friends. :) Ethan then asked for all friends and family to leave so he could be alone with Zac and me. So many pictures! Wah! Can't wait to see them!

2:15 pm- Traveled back to LA with mom, listening to the new Ludo CD!!! Man, so good.
3:30 pm- Called everyone to head over to Red Robin for a quick wedding party luncheon. So good! I was stressed the whole time, worrying about the ring ceremony at 5:30.
5:00 pm- Zac and I left with Karen to pick up my garter (ahem) which I forgot at Marc's house.
5:20 pm- Finally at the church building for the ring ceremony and reception! We set up chairs and tables outside under the pavilion. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL. I was driven across the parking lot so as to keep tradition that "no one" sees the bride before she walks down the aisle. That proved to be difficult. hahaha A crisis suddenly sprung up while I was in my remote location in the parking lot, waiting to be driven over to the pavilion. Mom came rushing over to me, breathless, and told me Zac's wedding ring was lost! I was so scared! hahaha The box was empty and he got it mixed up with my wedding ring box. Anyway, the point is, we found the ring and everything was running smoothly again. Whew.
5:41 pm- Mom drove me over to the pavilion and then walked me down the aisle to my husband. Zac and I then had Shane Hull tell all in attendance how important the temple sealing is and explained the sacredness of the temple. He then asked Zac and I to say a few words with one another and all our friends and family.We then exchanged rings and had a good long kiss. :) Our family and close friends then got up and shared their love for me and Zac with everyone. Not a single eye was dry. Well, except for Ian, who was running around, playing with his toy cars. :)

6:00 pm-Whenever it ended (Time kind of escaped me haha) - RECEPTION TIME! We greeted everyone, said our thank yous, and then our first dance! The Luckiest by Ben Folds.  Daddy/Daughter dance with my little brother. Little Miss Magic by Jimmy Buffet. Zac and I broke the knife during the infamous cake cutting! >< Then we did the garter and bouquet toss. hahaha Zac was super silly while getting the garter. :) And my little sister Julie caught the bouquet! Yay! We also had family pictures taken and then we danced for a good hour. :) Ian even danced!

A perfect day.
And now for some pictars! :D

Missy Cox did such a WONDERFUL job with the cake! Look! Quail and everything!

Listening to friends and family during the ring ceremony :)

Aren't these table decorations just adorable?!

Carefully inspecting the cake...

Yes! Julie caught the bouquet! :D

Zac's little sister, Danielle! So cute!

Mom puts up with me :)

I just love Zac's face in this! :D

Good work, team!