8/28/2011

Wedding photos that may or may not get framed...


My wedding photographer, Ethan Watts, just sent me the last batch of our wedding photos. 483 of them. :)

I thought I'd share with you a few that had a particular impact on me. :) Some of these pictures made me "Aww" out loud.  And, fortunately, there were some that made me snort in laughter.

Enjoy :)
Zac's grandfather is the sweetest man on Earth.
Dawwww Ian!
Shh! Don't laugh at mom bending over!
Ridiculous :)
Mom, what could possibly be so important?

Possibly the cherry on top of the cake :D haahhahaha

8/25/2011

My eyes are full of the sandman's sand.

Dude. 8:49 am.

I haven't been up this early in "a looong time. A long time."

I quote Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars Episode IV when Luke is meeting Ben for the first time. Obi-Wan hasn't been called "Obi-Wan" for a long time. A long time. :)
My all time favorite Star Wars goes to Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi.

Now, onto the reason I am up so early. School starts this coming Monday at 8 am. I am incredibly nervous to wake up, get ready, pack lunches, read scriptures, and then have enough time to hustle my lazy butt out the door  for class. I promised both Zac and myself yesterday I would set my alarm for 7 am and try to stay awake until 11 am. Then I can nap for a good hour, eat lunch, and then stay awake from 1 pm to 2 pm. For this is my school schedule. :)
After this first trial run, I have discovered several solid conclusions:
  • Make lunches the night before.
  • Pick out my clothes the night before.
  • Take out my contacts before bed. 
  • Backpack needs to be fully packed the night before.
  • Dinosaur sandwich cutters made the morning so much better. :)
  • Apparently, I am not Superwoman, though I tried very hard. :(

I opened my scriptures this morning to 3 Nephi 28 and studied the last part of the chapter. What stood out to me in this particular study session was the hopelessness I'd experience if I affirmed life after death is a false reality. To some, the surety they hold that nothing comes after death is reassuring. To others, they are indifferent toward what may or may not come. Some hold a banner proudly overhead, exclaiming death is just death. Our lives began when we took our first breath and will end when we cease to inhale and exhale. We decompose. We eventually become one with the soil. 
To each their own.

As I pondered, I relived certain moments in my past. Suddenly the words flowed out of me and onto the lines of my journal:
"Why would I only decay after a life of mistakes, rejoices, and hearts touched? Why would I only turn to nothing after all the hardships, trials, and repentance? Why would I feel the Spirit if it isn't real? Why would Christ suffer for me if it wasn't for an eternal purpose?"

I know many friends and family who've shunned religion because of this, that, and the other. One rejection I've heard many times, (some poetic license used), "I am centered in knowledge and learning. I do not base my logic on feeling. I do not believe in something by feeling alone. God, Jesus, Religion are false because the people who follow it are blind, brainwashed, and ignorant. God, Jesus, Religion are false because it seems only feelings are important, while facts are disregarded. God, Jesus, Religion are false because so much depends on what is felt and not seen."

Forgotten is how we as humans truly learn. Yes, logic and reasoning is an obvious way to gain knowledge, which I highly condone. I love school. I love looking at a difficult concept from a new angle. I love the frustration involved with educational learning and life in general. 
Love is learned through feeling. Our foundation for learning lies in feeling. With passion. With yearning.
I discussed this topic with Zac the other day. He made an interesting point, "Feeling what is true and what isn't is a very basic and core part of us." Wise words, honey. :)
I've found through doubting religion, casting it aside, and then realizing I no longer felt anything at all, that my life could be so much more than logic, reasoning, and facts alone. The very act of breathing is a logical as well as a symbolic reminder we are alive. Why should I breathe if it is only for this life alone? 

I may be a simple girl. I may seem uneducated. I may seem to believe in fairytales. I may seem to be naive. I may strike you as a blind, brainwashed, and ignorant fool. But one thing I am not is ashamed.
My life is how I choose to live it.
Whether religion is a part of yours or not, you make decisions everyday that will impact you and those around you physically, logically, spiritually, and emotionally. Our brain and heart may be separate entities, but they work in harmony to keep us alive. Though our brain keeps exploring, learning, analyzing, and reaching logical conclusions, it is our heart that gives us the desire to do so in the first place. 

Romans 1:16
"For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth..."
John 6:33
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

*Note that this post's intention is NOT  for shoving my beliefs down throats and screaming,
"My ways is the only way."
**For neither is yours. :)

8/21/2011

Good times for a change :)

Wow.
SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. And I've been putting off blogging about life because there's been so much going on. Ah well. I have a completely free rest of the afternoon, so here we go. :)

Let me just say this first: Living with your best friend, who happens to be your husband, is FLIPPIN SWEET.
:D
Zac and I are back in Provo, Utah. We have our own apartment in Wymount Terrace where all the other BYU married folk live. >< Our neighbors across from us have the most adorable little girl named Lexi. She has her own sandbox on the back balcony and she sometimes throws beans onto the grass below. Mysterious bean plants have been known to grow just below our apartments.... :)

We are finally all unpacked and our cinder block rooms don't look so uninviting anymore. When I first went apartment shopping, I was wary of South Wymount because they all have cinder block walls while North Wymount is all drywall. But when we ended up with a South Wymount apartment, I couldn't have been happier. We can't hear our neighbors and our neighbors can't hear us. Zac and I are also on the top floor (3rd landing), so moving our stuff from the trailer to the apartment SO HARD. Zac's uncle gave us his AMAZING couch and loveseat set which have only been used for a year. I was so happy they fit through the door and into our living room. :)

You never think about all the little things that go into making a house. Like, pots and pans, for instance. And silverware. And a microwave. hahah We did SO MUCH SHOPPING yesterday and we're pretty content with what we have at the moment. We reserved Tuesday as "Back to School Shopping Day" and I'm freaking pumped. I have a very comfortable budget to get school supplies and some new clothes, which after unpacking and finding many clothes that aren't necessarily modest and some I know I won't wear ever again, this trip to the mall will be soooooo needed. I do believe I need some girly time after the month and a half I spent in California with Zac's family. Don't get me wrong, hanging out with Zac's guy friends was usually pretty sweet, but I am a girl. Sometimes I just need girly time. hahaha

One of my favorite purchases so far is our shower curtain. There are girl/boy figures printed all over the black background. They look like this:

 SO CUTE. I also love our three white gorgeous bowls and our fantastic three dollar ironing board from DI. I spent a lot of time today taking out little trinkets and books and other things to make the bookcase more homey. Zac was so impressed with my decorating skills! It felt wonderful to do that for him. :)

School starts next Monday, bright and early!
Monday, Wednesday, Friday
8:00 am- Beginning Stage Combat
9:00 am- Intro to Lit: Drama, Poetry, Fiction
10:00 am- Theatre History 1
1:00 pm- Fundamental Literary Interpretation

Tuesday, Thursday
1:00-3:00 pm- Playwriting 1

Obviously, I am an English and Theatre junkie! hahaha As of yet, I am still unsure of my major. This week I will meet up with a counselor to talk about possible directions to take. I've already dedicated a million hours to the acting program and I would still like to use those hours toward graduation even though I'm not an acting major. So I'll probably go for Theatre Arts Studies with an emphasis in playwriting. You guys, this feels so good. I don't know what this school year holds for me, but I have Zac by my side again. We haven't been together at BYU for two years. But we're gonna do awesome. :)

Been singing this out loud all day long...Mmm. So yummy. :)


8/17/2011

Next scene for the story :)

Really fast!
Here's the next update to my story :)
It's frightening how much a page and a half of writing can take out of a person. I AM EXHAUSTED. I just read this update to Zac and sobbed. While I was writing it, I only read it in my head. But when I burst in the room, sat with Zac on the bed, and read this newest scene, I couldn't hold back the tears. In fact, I had to stop reading at one point.

So here goes nothing...

:)


Once a heart begins beating for another person other than the body it was originally intended, that heart beats twice as fast or twice as slow, with double the power and double the life. A heart of such depth and intimacy is fragile in its beauty. If that heart is cared for, cherished, and nurtured, two lives become one. If that heart is broken, two people die. Two souls rip in half. Two bodies are buried. What was once “one” in rhythm and purpose is now coldly separate and dissonant.  Such is love.
The first time Faye held her daughter, Faye’s past was buried and she was resurrected. Her heart beat for the miniature human being in her lap. Through the haze of the epidural and the distorted hospital room around her, Faye found clearness in her daughter’s eyes. Faye’s chest burned, her eyes grew wet and the love she felt for her daughter blossomed into tears. The baby’s cries came to Faye’s ears as the sweetest song she’d ever heard.
Faye was only nineteen.
An elderly woman dressed in nurse’s scrubs bustled to Faye’s bedside, “She’s beautiful.”
Faye grinned warmly at the nurse, “Thank you.”
“You did very well today. I had my doubts.”
“Oh, so did I. But we made it.”
Both the women gazed at the pink bundle in Faye’s arms, “Is the father on his way?”
Faye froze, “He couldn’t make it.”
“Would you like to call him?”
“No.”
Slight pause, “Is anyone coming?”
“No.”
A whisper, “Does the father know?”
Faye lifted her eyes from her daughter and stared at the nurse, “No.”
The nurse nodded and turned away from Faye’s bed. Faye watched her walk away and knew exactly the thoughts running through the nurse’s mind. “It’s a shame, to be so young and so alone” and “Why did she have sex with a man who couldn’t be a father?” But what hurt the most was the pain brought by the doubt in her mind, “Why am I so stupid?”
Her daughter's breath was warm and comforting on Faye’s neck.
Faye cooed at her daughter, “What’s your name, huh? What would you like?”
Her daughter got an arm free from her pink blanket and grabbed a handful of Faye’s hair. “Oh, you’re a little tough guy, aren’t you?”
Her daughter smiled and Faye’s breath caught in her throat. Closing her eyes, she relived the way her daughter’s green eyes lit up when she smiled over and over again. Fresh tears of a different nature broke free from Faye’s eyes, spilling down her cheeks. Avery’s father didn’t understand beauty. He didn’t understand love. Faye would teach her daughter both, no matter what. Her daughter would have what she never did: Understanding.
“Avery.”
Faye waited for a miraculous moment signaling she had the perfect name, but nothing happened. The hospital room had settled down a bit, most of the nurses gone. The doctor placed her in this bed specifically so she could enjoy the fresh air, but Faye preferred to think she had this bed because it had the best summer smells. Sunset pinks and oranges brought the white curtains to life and she gasped when the light suddenly splashed across her daughter’s features. Her little fingernails, her whispers of eyelashes, her soft downy hair all glowed. Faye knew then.
Avery Wright.
Her daughter.

8/14/2011

Beginning of my novel...Yeah that's write. A novel. (And a pun). :)

Late night post I know...

BUT. I have excellent news! I am beginning a new short story, which could very well turn into a novel. However, I'm shying away from such a lofty goal at the moment. Best to stick with baby steps and see where this goes. :) I thought I'd share with you the first couple of pages of the story. I've only been working on it for three days, so it's still rough. Of course, praise, constructive criticism, and suggestions would be lovely!

I want to emphasize how much this story means to me. The characters are influenced by many people I love and cherish. hahaha One character, though, is a combination of personalities I've come across in my life that have really irked me. hahah But seriously. I look forward to waking up, opening my laptop, and writing my heart out. The way I write is very meticulous and obsessive. I've been known to spend at least an hour on a single sentence, just so I can get it right. I can't just "spit everything out on the page and then revise later," as I've been advised to do soooo many times by teachers and friends alike. So keep in mind that revisions will be made, so updates may take a while.

That is if I decide to do updates...Hmm. If you are so moved by the story that you want updates, then I am at your service. However, if you find it boring or just horrible, I'll keep to myself. :) No worries.

[And without further ado...Here's...Oh, crap. I haven't thought of a title yet. hahaha But seriously. Here it is!]



They decided since they’re eighteen and have seven years to go until their brains become fully developed, that doing something outrageously stupid would not only be beneficial to their human experience, but quintessential to ending the summer with a bang.
Avery’s best friend, Martin Hambly, has never been a “live-on-the-edge-grab-life-by-the-balls” kind of guy. His name has always defined him. Even from the moment he emerged from his mother’s womb. Avery has two theories concerning the parallel between Martin’s name and Martin’s being. First theory: His parents took one look at their newborn son, saw his gangly appendages and pointed nose, then quickly agreed “Martin” would suit him just fine. Second theory: His parents believed his name would act as a protective shield from “harmful activities” and “bad influences.”
Enter Avery.
Not only has she introduced hundreds of “harmful activities” to Martin from the very early stages of their lives up to their present predicament and been a flawlessly horrible influence all the while, she has also managed to earn the deliciously disdainful judgment of his mother and the quiet encouragement of his father.
Clive Hambly is rather tall and lean, with a lopsided grin and an uneven haircut. Silver strands streak throughout his dark hair, almost like a black forest cut in fragments by racing rivers.
Melanie Hambly may conjure the picture of a slightly pudgy woman with wispy hair and a watering can always on hand, but this is false. Harsh reality: She’s pencil thin and a perpetually two-faced crow of a woman. And, worse, her auburn hair is consistently twisted in an updo. Just as her hair is permanently glued to her skull, so is her sickeningly sweet smile plastered to her face at all times.
Martin and his parents met Avery and Faye the first day of second grade. The classroom was crowded with plenty of skittish seven year olds and encouraging parents, but Martin was easily the edgiest. He stood close to his father’s legs and clutched tightly to his mother’s black skirt. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he wondered what the other kids thought of him. The collar of his white polo was itchy and he knew his recent haircut made him look like a dork. His parents remained rooted to the linoleum floor, waiting for the teacher to escort their son to his seat. Clive checked his watch: 8:44 am.
Fifteen minutes to the hour, Avery and Faye skipped into the classroom holding hands. As soon as they entered, the atmosphere became charged with a new vibrancy. What was once muted and dull became electrified. Faye was accustomed to being in the spotlight and passed the art of capturing attention on to her daughter beautifully. The pair’s effervescence seemed so genuine and nonchalant that others often looked on with either awe or jealousy.  
They breezed past other families waiting for the bell to ring and marched through the aisles of desks. Avery squealed when she found her nametag and Faye hurried behind her. When her daughter’s butt hit the chair, Faye smiled at Avery’s ridiculous tutu fluff up around her waist. Though she tried to reason with Avery in wearing a respectable outfit that morning, there was no way her tutu was coming off. Tired and frazzled, Faye agreed to let her wear the tutu for the first day of school and promised her it would bring good luck. Avery’s smile was worth the frustration that morning.
When Faye opened the desk’s lid and saw the cavernous well inside, she sighed, “A lot of homework is gonna get lost in here, huh?” It was a statement, not a question.
Avery wasn’t listening. She saw Martin on the other side of the room with his parents, standing near the door. Martin’s discomfort was so tangible she almost felt awkward. Why isn’t he happy?
Faye tapped Avery on the shoulder and pointed to the “Art Corner.” Cocking her head to the side, Faye invited Avery to come with her to the tempting easels. Avery smiled and took her mother’s hand. Once in the “Art Corner,” Faye picked up some sidewalk chalk and began doodling on the miniature chalkboard. Avery immediately found the finger paint. Martin stared wide-eyed as Avery dunked her hand in a cup of bright red paint and wondered if she would get in trouble with the teacher. He watched as Avery held her dripping hand out like a zombie, rolled her eyes back, and moaned. Her mother turned, was momentarily shocked at her daughter’s acting talent, but then gasped, “Put your hand down! Not near Mommy!”
Her pleas came too late. Avery’s mauled hand smashed into Faye’s face.
“You’re infected!”
Martin gasped loud enough to attract the attention of Avery and his parents. Glancing behind her shoulder, Avery caught sight of Martin’s surprised face. His expression sent her over the edge and she burst into gales of high pitched laughter. Her giggles were cut short by her mother whispering fiercely in her ear.
“You don’t put paint on Mommy,” She wiped her face with a paper towel, bent to her daughter’s height, and gently took Avery’s paint covered hands. “You need to be good.” An agitated cough above their heads brought them to attention.
Melanie and Clive stood above them with Martin firmly between their towering bodies, like a fortress. Faye first smiled at Martin while she was at eye-level with him, taking in his dark blue eyes and mess of brown hair, and then stood for introductions. Taken aback by Melanie’s gorgeous red hair and Clive’s welcoming green eyes, she became instantly aware of her loose fitting sweater and dirty blonde hair in a long, messy braid down her back. But she put that out of her mind and smiled warmly at the handsome couple.
Melanie spoke first, “You two seem quite the dynamic duo.”
Faye laughed, “Oh, trust me, it’s all her. I just try to keep up.”
“You don’t seem to be doing a very good job,” Melanie replied icily.
Clive broke in quickly, “I’m Clive Hambly and this is my wife, Melanie. And this,” He paused, “is our son, Martin. Can you say hello, Martin?”
Martin muttered a “Hello,” and then went silent. He stared at his sneakers as he blushed a bright red.
“Hello, Martin!” Faye returned brightly, “And this little firecracker is my daughter, Avery.”
Avery beamed at Clive and Melanie, showcasing her train wreck of a mouth. Faye had made three Tooth Fairy visits to her daughter’s bedroom in the past month. Though uncomfortable for Faye, Avery proudly bared her teeth whenever she could. Heat grew on Faye’s cheeks as she waited for Clive or Melanie to say something.
Clive coughed politely, “You have a beautiful smile, Avery. Right, Mel?”
Melanie managed to hide her grimace behind a strained grin, “Just lovely.”
The bell rang suddenly, releasing the tension in the group. Faye looked around for any sign of the teacher while Melanie snuck glances at Avery. The seven year old had a tangle of blonde hair, dark green eyes, and a splash of freckles across her nose. She wore a bright blue t-shirt, orange leggings and a red tutu. Her socks were mismatched, pink and green. Though colorful, Melanie had an instant dislike for the little girl’s outfit. It showed that the child had control of the parent. And the display she’d witnessed with the finger paint only solidified her assumption.
The teacher bustled through the door and parents began hugging their children goodbye. Clive and Melanie knelt down and embraced Martin tightly. He hugged them back, worrying what the rest of the day would hold. Faye picked up Avery in her arms and spun her around a bit before crushing her with a bear hug. Avery squeezed back just as fiercely, smelled her mother’s hair, and imagined all the adventures she’d get to tell her after school. As Clive, Melanie, and Faye stood up and looked down at their children, none of them would have guessed the two would become inseparable.
But sometimes parents don’t know everything.
The three adults left the classroom, Faye bringing up the rear.
She still had red paint on her palms.


8/08/2011

Last Night

Last night's conversation turned into a very early morning discussion.
Last night turned into a lot of crying.
Last night turned into a late afternoon, waking up, touching my husband's back, and smiling.

Last night I went on a midnight Tommy's run with the boyz (Bradley, Poter, and Zac). Tommy's, for those who don't know, is a burger place that slathers chilli on everything. :) I ordered my chilli on the side and met the scoffs of three boys. I punched Zac in the chest...for some forgotten reason. I laughed with them while they showed one another hilarious videos on Bradley's phone. Inside jokes and famous stories from the past happened over and over again. And I felt just a little uncomfortable, only because these three have a history together, and I wasn't quite in the loop the entire time. I almost felt intruding, though I know they didn't think that at all. For the most part, I rolled the sleeves of my hoodie up and down my arms, crossed my legs at the ankles, and wondered why I got along so well with my guy friends my first semester at BYU.

It hit me while I popped another fry in my mouth, tasting salt and ketchup: We all met at the same time. There was no history between any of us. Josh, Craig, Zac, and I were all starting fresh. That's why we all felt comfortable around one another!

When Zac and I got home, I was pretty bummed. I felt like a Grade-A Loser. I didn't feel "cool" enough to hang with his friends. I didn't feel "smart" enough. I didn't know music as well. I didn't have funny stories to share or interesting life experiences they'd find "interesting." The list went on and on. Of course, my pity party led me to more uncomfortable memories of high school friendships. Why certain relationships flourished while others disintegrated.
"It's just frustrating whenever I go home now. Like, everyone knows I'm married. Everyone knows how much of a Mormon I am. They don't get it and I wonder if they ever will."
...
"Even at BYU, I feel alienated in the HFAC (The Harris Fine Arts Center) because a lot of my friends made it into higher level acting classes when I didn't make the cut. They all know I wanted to get in the acting program, but then didn't. They know they got higher scores than me. They know I have to find something else to do. How can I be comfortable there?"
...
Blah, blah, blah. On and on I went. Here's what really matters:

Zac listened, held me close, sat me down on the bed, and listened some more.

I found myself staring at the wall, tears flowing, just talking. I ended up traveling down memory lane, passing by "Cough/Laugh," an experimental play I was in last fall semester. "Cough/Laugh" then became my focus and drive to get all my frustration out in our conversation. I went on forever about how life changing my performance was, both to me, and to many people who saw the play. I blathered on and on about how I put everything I had into that production, finding out that people were moved and touched, even months after the last performance. I whispered how amazing it was to have the playwright in the audience, come down to me after the show, and tell me, "Chelsea, you were sublime. Because of your performance, I'm making permanent changes to the script. You brought life to this piece. I am so grateful you were chosen to be in my play."

Neither Zac or my family could make it to the show. Zac was on his mission at the time, this being one of the main reasons why putting all I had into "Cough/Laugh" was so important, because I felt that if I did, he could somehow feel me. My mother desperately wanted to fly out to Utah to see the show, this being my first "lead" role at BYU, but it was only a one act play and there wasn't quite enough money.
About two weeks before the first performance, I got a terrible black eye in rehearsal. Many told me it was a beautiful shiner and I couldn't have agreed more. Even the school's makeup teacher took a picture of my eye so she could use it for class examples when she taught her "Gories and Grossies" makeup session. :)
During the week of the show going up, I stumbled upon a grave and very personal misfortune that happened in my life, just that previous summer. Due to the themes in the play, my director was uncertain if I should go on to perform. But I told him I needed to. It needed to be released from me. So, he let me perform, but kept a very good eye on me
[To make up for my shiner, I think :)]
The day before the show opened, I got very sick. Stress, emotional instability, depression, missing Zac and my family were all definitely factors. I drank a hug dose of Nyquil the night before, much to my roommate's delight. It was so funny! haha The next day, I didn't wake up until 12:10 pm, the first showing at 1:00 pm. Groggily, I showered, dressed and raced across campus to the show I wanted to look perfect for, but had to settle for the mess I was. Makeup was smeared over my purple/green/yellow eye, and I got into costume.
Then I put on the show of my life.
I had to listen harder, think clearer, and react faster because of the Nyquil still in my system. There were only three performances of the show, all in one day. In the end, I was emotionally, physically, and mentally drained. After each show, I felt like I had just run my best race in high school. Nothing had felt so amazing. And the best part? People cared.


To hear that I've changed lives because of my acting is a surreal event. I had never equated myself with being "that good." Right now, I am still baffled at the thought.
Around 3:30 am, Zac laid me on his chest and reassured me if I had such an affect on the "Cough/Laugh" audience, it doesn't matter I'm not in the acting program. I don't need a certificate or a diploma to show I can act. Though my friends who've moved on ahead of me in the acting classes will have a sharper edge, that won't stop me from auditioning.

Acceptance is so beautiful. Accepting new paths to walk down, new doors to open, new people to meet...I can't wait. I can't wait for my acceptance. :)


8/05/2011

I can't believe I'm doing this! :O

Guess what I'm in the process of?!
I'm downloading a free trial of MuseScore, to help with composing songs. I just woke up from a nap and couldn't get a rhythm out of my head...So I started writing words to go along with it. And before I knew it, half my diary had been filled with lyrics. They're still hopelessly pathetic when compared to accomplished artists. But oh my word. The high I'm experiencing at the moment is so contagious. Is this what bands always feel like?!
I've just been sitting in my room, singing quietly to myself, unsure if the words coming are good enough, but guess what?! THEY DON'T HAVE TO BE. They just need to be me. :)

[1 minute later]
OH WOW. THIS IS HARDER THAN I EXPECTED.
hahahaha Well, once the initial shock of the software went away, I'm okay. Badurp. I should really learn to play Bass clef.... Well, nothing like a swift kick in the butt like tonight to get me started!
Wish me luck!