Space Pants and Ghost Arm

Hey guys and girls. Let's talk about body image because we can and should.

If anyone knows me very well, you'd know I go through waves of "body love" and "body ugh." All my life, I've been blessed with a high metabolism and an ignorance in regards to a healthy diet. I was a competitive runner in high school, one of the best in our state division, and worked hard to attain a certain level of excellence. Granted, my family cooked healthy and strong meals for me, I ate said meals with gusto (haha), and I trained all summer, fall, and spring. No awkwardness, when I graduated from high school I was 5'2" and 103 pounds.

Four years and four months later, I'm still 5'2", but I've gained and kept/lost a consistent twelve pounds. I've been anywhere from 103-115. The "Freshman 15" never happened for me for various reasons (I was too stressed to eat and lots of life changing experiences kept me stressed for nine months). My hardcore training I grew accustomed to in high school ebbed and flowed throughout college. Now, I've acquired a much more "womanly" physique. Unfortunately, with those lovely lady curves, came the confusing doubt and self blame I never knew existed.

Hence my post this evening. You'll note in the above picture I'm wearing my first ever pair of high waisted jeans. My first Levi's, by the way. I LOVE THEM. I LOVE THEM WITH ALL THE POWER I HAVE TO LOVE. For the first time in a long time, I don't mind I'm 111 pounds. You may think, "Chelsea. Get over yourself. You're fine." But guys. Shaking hands with my current body has been a four year first impression. Four. YEARS.

In talking with Zac tonight, he's challenged me with my eating habits and exercise routine. He wants me to be happy and I think I'll be happier if I work on my self confidence. I want to be confident in my skin and, while these AMAZING JEANS are the first step, I can't wait to get the old "Chelsea spirit" back. Not necessarily that old body. But my old confidence.

I'll write you at the end of the week and see how I fared. EEK. Here's another picture of my fabulous pantalones. I call it, "Space Pants and Ghost Arm."

Serving Happiness

Sometimes, I don't give myself a pat on the back when the occasion calls for it. NOT TODAY.

I love my jobs. Last Saturday, I spent the majority of my day loving work (researching for msj and serving at Station 22). Highlights from Station on Saturday night:

1) My first table was a group of five girls gathered together for a birthday. I fell in love with all of them as soon as I introduced myself and they responded well to me (sweet!!). Throughout their entire meal, I was also taking care of two other tables, one in the same room and another on the other side of the restaurant. But, they always loved whenever I came back to them. When I brought the birthday girl her birthday root beer float at the end of dinner, everyone was so happy. They asked me to take a picture of them. I heard one of them say they'd ask for Chelsea when they came back. !!!!!

Just wait. It gets better. Each girl left me a note on their receipts: "Thank you for being so accommodating and changing my meal! (:" "We love Station 22! Great Service! We love Chelsea!" "You are seriously amazing."

2) My second table was a grumpy couple, determined to remain in their state of grumpiness even before I greeted them. [Sidenote: It's a SATURDAY NIGHT. WAITING FOR A TABLE HAPPENS]. But I worked hard to get them some happiness. AND I DID. At the end of the meal, they LAUGHED. It was so rewarding. Their +20% tip wasn't bad either. *winky face*

3) At one moment during the night, I had four tables simultaneously: Two tables outside on the front porch, one in the main restaurant, and one in the back lobby. But my head was strangely clear and focused the entire time. I made sure each table knew I was aware of them, wanted the best for them. One girl from the group outside said, "It looks like you're super busy." I said, "It gets crazy on Saturday nights." She responded, "I've been a waitress for three years and I've never had a waitress as good as you."

!!!!!
Can you even handle it?!
Just wait. It gets better.

As I was cleaning up the table outside next to theirs, my manager came out to ask about their experience. They all said it was amazing and that their waitress was amazing. My manager asked who they had and they all pointed to me. AH. SO MANY BLUSHES.

4) Toward the end of the night, I had a young couple come in and they wanted to know everything about me. They asked how long I'd worked at Station, how long I'd been married, how I met Zac, what I studied at BYU, how my writing's going now, on and on! I had to leave them to make sure they'd get their food out on time haha. They asked when I'd be working next and told them I'd be at Station T-F in the mornings. haha! Crazy!

I can't believe how blessed I am. Heavenly Father is so aware it's ridiculous. (:

I am an ISFJ Playwright

Ah. So many thoughts and thinking things going on in this melon of mine tonight.

Being a playwright is hard.

My new play is hard.

Articulating the exact emotions and dialogue needed for the two characters is just...I don't know if I can do it right now. Each time I open it up, I have to put it away after a while because the personal feelings attached to the scene are still so raw. You'd think I'd be fine, it's just ten pages long. Just five more pages and the first draft will be finished and I can rest easy. ><

This play I'm dedicating to my younger sister, Julia, you see. This play is a conversation I wish I could have with her at the moment. This play currently fills the distance between us because I can't be with her when she needs me. And, my goodness, does that hurt.

Zac often worries when I don't separate my personal feelings from my work (ie at Station 22, my research position at BYU, ect). haha I love him, but that's not the girl he married (which he knows). I am a passionate, genuine, emotion driven individual. [Sidenote: I took several Myers-Briggs personality tests this weekend and found out I'm an ISFJ]. Whatever task given to me, I tackle with passion, genuineness, and emotion.

I love Julie. She deserves all the passion, genuineness, and emotion I can muster. Blergh. It'll happen. haha One way or another, it'll happen. (:

ULTRA CURLY ATTACK

As it's my day off, I decided to try a brand spankin' new hairstyle. I'm calling it: ULTRA CURLY ATTACK. (: Not the best ever, but it was challenging and fun to try while Zac's at work. He got a promotion yesterday which means 1) AWESOME and 2) Switching to day shifts! He now works 8am-5pm err'day instead of 3:30pm-12am. Here's to more huzzband/wifo time...and boyz time (I came home from work last night to find three sweaty men rolling around in the backyard practicing their jui-jitsu moves). Zac has his first jui-jitsu tournament on Saturday and I'm gonna be the embarrassing wife cheering on her hubby. No shame.

Also, I think I may be channeling Bellatrix Lestrange. (: And I'm obsessed with this song at the moment.

As of Late

What I'm listening to:

Spoken Poetry is the bomb.

What I'm wearing:

Yesterday, for Fourth of July, Zac and I went on a date to Two Jack's pizza. I wore the dress he bought me for our anniversary. I felt a little like a cowboy Audrey Hepburn.

What I'm running:

I RAN MY BEST 6 MILES TODAY. 52:54. 8:49 mile pace. What up.

What I'm watching:

Two things...

Read a wonderful review via hellogiggles. 

...And this. Giggles.

What I'm writing:

via

I found this lovely quote on pinterest the other day and the words resonated with me something powerful. At least three different ten minute play scenarios have run around in my head since then...but I won't go on about them here (kind of embarrassing and not quite ready). But just know it's happening and what will come of it will be beautiful.

What I can't get off my mind:

Within the next hour or so I will hear back from Station 22 if I got a job there as a waitress. !!!! Good vibes and crossed fingers would be appreciated. (:

mountains to climb

Yesterday, Zac and I went on a quick-nothing-fancy-still amazing date to Slab Pizza. I had the chile verde pizza, while Zac munched on his chicken club. Throughout our pig fest, we talked about where we are with our marriage and lives at the moment. No kids for a long while? Check. Chelsea get a second job? Will do, captain. Chelsea missing school already? Check. Zac needing more jiu-jitsu? Check.

I've been thinking a lot about what "comes next" for us. Zac will be at BYU until December 2014 and then it's onto med school and grad school. I'll work two part time jobs and write as much as I can. Sounds like a pretty solid plan, right? But the past couple of days, my anxiety about the future has reached a head (Sorry for not calling, Mom). Fear is a nasty roommate, I'll tell you what. On a whim I decided to listen to this talk while making dinner. After a few minutes, I pulled Zac into the kitchen and we listened to the talk together while washing dishes, side by side. Many times I stopped rinsing and cried. It spoke directly to me. I hope if you're struggling with anything, you can find some comfort with this talk.

With all that said, Google Reader comes to an end tomorrow.
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As of Late

What I'm listening to:

That guitar riffs kills me. Makes my head explode with scenario after scenario that I need to get on paper. Pretty much obsessed with James Arthur. (:

What I'm wearing:

Zac's jiu-jitsu t-shirt and some comfy skinny jeans. Summer in an outfit, if I do say so myself. Mmm.  

What I'm running:

I woke up at 7:30 this morning, put a load of laundry in the washer, and changed into my shorts and cut off t-shirt. I ran one of my growing favorite routes in Provo. 6 miles in an hour and five minutes. Getting better all the time!

What I'm watching:

Yeah, you know what's up. Pushing Daisies guys. That's where it's at.

What I'm writing:

I finished this version of Bring Her Back about a month and a half ago. This week, I've been cleaning up each scene for about an hour every day and it's shaping into something I'm liking even more and more. (:

What I can't get off my mind:

Zac bought me a dress for our two year anniversary. (: It came in the mail today. Happeh Chelsea is happeh.