v-neck t-shirts look good.

I'm sitting on the living room couch, laptop in lap, and wearing my favorite v-neck t-shirt. Grey with horizontal, thin, black stripes. A small breast pocket, ideally made for pens. Or Q-Tips. Not too tight, not too loose. Mom says it makes me look like a boy. Now all I need is dirt under my short fingernails, and I'm all set. :) (That's what all boys look like).

I'm lightly tapping a yellow balloon back and forth with my sister.  "GAH! WATCH OUT, JULIE! THE BALLOON CAN'T HIT THE FAN! Oh, okay. You've got it." :)

[And now for an irrelevant and nonsensical interlude]

I have the world's biggest sweet tooth. I mean, really. I just can't get enough of my tasty treats. Ghirardelli Square. Dark chocolate. Raspberry filling. Goosebumps are literally forming on my arms and legs as I take my last bite.

And
It's
Goooooneeeee.... :(

That little piece of Heaven just disappeared. Ah, well. I have so many other happy things to muse over. Last night I had my bridal shower with a small get together of four women from church. Mom and I invited 20 women to come celebrate three weeks ago (with handmade invitations BAM) and only four came. I was a little bit disappointed, but also relieved. I don't really know anyone here, so a smaller group was much more enjoyable in the end. While mom and I waited anxiously for people to show up, I was so nervous about what they'd think of me. >< I remembered my high school days. Oh goodness. hahaha I was never invited to parties and that's fine and all.
Honestly, I'm better off just staying home, away from crowds. I'll undoubtedly embarrass everyone around me and myself. ><
But the women who did come were so awesome! We laughed and shared stories and they wanted to know all about me and Zac. I awkwardly stumbled through our detailed chronological history and even cried several times. hahaha Such a freaking girl. >< Zac and I got several thoughtful gifts for our future apartment: cookie sheet, crock pot, measuring cups, a bright orange knife, a hand mixer, and four gorgeous plates! It feels so good to say "future apartment." :)

[TWO WEEKS, PEOPLE. I'M GONNA BE A MARRIED WOMAN IN JUST TWO WEEKS. THAT'S IT]!

At this point, I'm just twiddling my thumbs, anxiously ready for my future. Cake needs met, bishop interview for the temple complete and meeting with the stake president tomorrow afternoon. I have my veil, the dress fits better than it did when I first got it, I'm looking smashing, if I do say so myself. hahaha Everything is seemingly falling into place. :) Grandpa told me yesterday that this is my "precursor marriage." I laughed, "Okay, Grandpa!" I have heard that most people go through two marriages before finally settling down with the third partner. And statistics are grossly pessimistic, divorce rates increasing. What a disgusting word. Divorce.

On a personal note, I'm really struggling right now with my family relationships. I won't go on about it here, but I hate divorce. I hate how it altered everything in my childhood. I hate how it still hurts today. I hate that I haven't seen my dad since last July. I hate that I feel like I have something to prove because I'm getting married at 20. Judging eyes. Smiles that already suggest sympathy for a doomed marriage.

Well, my eyes only hold hope and faith. My smile hasn't been this sincere in a long time.

[And it isn't going away].