Fear #1//The Dark
I think some of the hardest times I ever had as a little girl was falling asleep at night. I slept on the top bunk, my brother on the bottom, with Julie on the other side of the room. Both of my siblings always fell asleep before me--sometimes Julie would ask me to talk with her before she fell asleep. It was after they'd fallen asleep I was left alone in the dark. Somehow all the noise in the house would amplify and turn menacing. The shadows lengthened along the walls and made weird shapes on the ceiling. The house came alive and there were many times I thought the dark was going to "get me."
Fear #2//Inadequacy
My struggles with self-esteem and confidence kind of go way back. Like way way back. I was born premature (3 1/2 months early--1 lb. 12 oz.) and my body type has always been small. Petite. It's taken me a long time to actually accept my physical appearance--middle school was rough. I remember many times getting so frustrated with my body--it never looked like the other girl's. I wanted to be taller, with a more "womanly" physique. I wanted to be popular--I wanted what other girls had. But that never quite happened. In high school, I became much more outgoing and confident. Now in college, I find myself much more reserved--I have a "quiet confidence," I guess you could say. Inadequacy is always on my mind, though.
Fear #3//Losing Zac
I don't know what it is about being married that's made me obsess over losing Zac sooner rather than later. Seriously. I lay in bed next to him, trying to fall asleep, and sometimes think "He could be gone tomorrow." Creepy, right? haha I promise I'm not some depressed, cooped-up, married housewife with nothing else to think about besides my husband dying and living with cats for the rest of my life. It's just those little random moments when I think about losing my best friend. That's utterly terrifying to me.
2 comments:
The second two are really applicable to my life as well. I am always looking for ways to improve myself because of a deep rooted fear of being inadequate. One would think constant self improvement was a good thing, but in my case it can be unhealthy.
As for number three, I sometimes go through complete scenarios in my head about what I would do if I ever lost Steven - it's weird and scary and I don't like it!
Oh my goodness Daryl. Thank you. Yeah, I had such a hard time writing this post! Like I don't think I've ever written down or even said some of these fears to anyone. It's nice to know other people struggle,too...I guess? Haha. :)
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