a good old fashioned rant

Time for a good old fashioned rant.

Now, see, I get the notion in my head to finish every book I start--even if it's one notch beneath torture. Zac doesn't understand it, neither do I. But it's how I roll. I take notes while reading, stew in anger, and then spew it out in lists like this.

Need a reference point?  Check out Bitten’s plot here.

Rant Time:

1) Smith assumes too much—the most obvious assumption that everyone knows Mormon culture or jargon. I can’t wrap my head around that. As a writer, I never want people feeling alienated. Smith is a local author and (duh) lots of Mormons live here in Utah. Okay, that’s cool. Write what you wanna write…but know other people outside of Mormon culture may read what you’ve written. You could be shutting out a potential audience (even the one you're writing for).

2) His writing is lazy. He may write 8 hours every day—He may even have a set schedule for what he wants to accomplish and sticks to it, but as I was reading, I face palmed so many times. He may not be a lazy writer, but his writing is lazy.

·         He loves his adverbs, and since taking a writing class from Carol Lynch Williams, we were taught never to use adverbs EVER. I’m willing to skip over some adverbs in some books because not everyone’s had a class with Carol haha. But they’re all over the place in this book—sometimes I wonder what “She smiled happily” and “She laughed happily” look and sound like. Give me more than that. Paint the picture. Don’t write what everyone else has before.

·         His plot wanders, throwing in random paragraphs or PAGES of exposition when it’s not needed at ALL in the main story. Sure, it adds some “spice” or “chuckles,” but my goodness. Stop it. Just stop. One piece of advice Carol gave us: “If you had to pay a dollar for each word you write, what would you keep and what would you throw out?” Smith blew his money, guys. He might be bankrupt. He might’ve written Bitten while living in a cardboard box on the street. Who knows.

·         The dialogue is horrendous. Before any of my playwriting classes, I was terrible at dialogue. I just wanted to describe, describe, describe. But now, I look forward to dialogue in any situation—I think it adds so much more insight into characters and keeps the action moving forward. Smith, however, is consistent in writing (what he thinks as) “quirky” and “witty” dialogue for ALL the characters. They all sound the same. One or two characters kind of have a certain “voice,” but it’s easy to get people mixed up because of the blending “voices.” The dialogue between Trust and Grace (the main romantic relationship) was lacking, to say the least. Speaking of Trust and Grace…

·         Character development is almost non-existent. I did not believe Trust’s and Grace’s relationship. Not because he “fell in love” with a girl while on a mission, but because from a writing standpoint, there isn’t enough believable FLAWS or OBSTACLES or JOYS or TRIUMPHS  between the two of them to have me falling in love the two of them. Grace did not change in any way. She was mysterious and stand-offish throughout the two books. She never showed believable anger. She smiled a lot, even when the situation called for MORE than smiles. She was a passive character, when I needed someone present. Trust went through changes, of course, because he was on a mission. But his “love” for Grace stayed at one level and then became more urgent on that same level. I want to see him love her (not a steamy love scene per say, but give me scenes where I could see them working through real problems IN THE PRESENT). Give me a picture—specific scenes where they’re both challenged beyond the “Mormon romantic comedy” limits. Challenge me as a reader. Push me. Make me think.

The other characters were written for the reason to be weird, quirky hicks. I kept thinking, “I don’t know how I feel about this. They certainly don’t feel fleshed out or like breathing, living human beings.” Bland, or “slapped on” trials covered the surface of each character, but didn’t go deeper than that. It made me wonder why Smith brought them into the story in the first place. Too many plots and sub-plots. Keep it focused. Do your homework so it informs your writing—but write what you need and discard what you don’t. Your readers will love you for being so awesome. :)

·         Even a romantic comedy has moments of real pain, real emotion, and real trial. Sure, they may be written or acted out in a humorous way, but be poignant. Write with a whimsical hand but a realistic mind. Please.

Before I go, read this blurb for me so I don’t feel like I’ve wasted both our time. :)

All the characters put together a community play called All Is Swell. Right before it starts, one of the lead actresses shows up, having lost her voice.

Someone asks, “Does anyone know Sister Watson’s lines? You’ve all been practicing with her, someone’s got to remember what she says?” (Question Mark ><)

“I was too busy trying to learn my own lines” someone answers.

Then, wait for it, another person says, “I was too busy dating Leo to really pay attention.” That is the first time she speaks and ONLY TIME SHE SPEAKS. That's all she amounts to--her dating life. Good. Grief.

UGH.

Okay I think my work here is done. *Cape swirl and exit*

:)