My Shoelace Testimony

My heart's full, my eyes itchy, and my spirit at peace. Tonight was closing night for the Microburst Theatre Festival. I've watched all five performances this week, each time nervous and excited for whatever would come. All the actors did a fabulous job with the play scripts, though I may be a bit biased (shout out to Michael Comp and Jacob Swain in Shoelace)! Words can't express how touched and humbled I am at how a moment in my past has helped and informed others today, right now. How powerful is that? How awe-inspiring?

Granted, along with bearing my testimony through Shoelace, came the unprecedented worry and doubt of the audience's reaction. More so than any time I've bared my soul on the pulpit. But guess what? Each time Shoelace began, the Spirit settled on the audience and in me. Each time Shoelace ended, the Spirit calmed and electrified me, as well as the audience. It was palpable, and I'm not being some weird, theatre hippy haha. The audience's applause felt genuine each time Michael looked up, with the unspoken question so clear, "Who am I now?"

I am grateful for my past, present, and future. I am grateful for my struggles I've encountered up until now. Though I wasn't the typical 'BYU' student, I was a woman with questions about my worth, testimony, and value. I was confused, but hopeful in finding those answers. And, man, those answers only came through a harrowing journey. I remember the first time I tried praying after he left...My heart recently broken and my words unsure of themselves. I remember feeling myself split in two as soon as I kneeled next to my bed. Who was I to pray? Who was I to break up with this man? Who was I to love him? Who was I to choose a temple marriage? Who was I to want the Gospel and, at the same time, give it up? Who was I to question God's existence? Who was I?

Courageously ask, "WHO AM I?" and then forge ahead with bravery to find the answer. That is my testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.